My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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