They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
