you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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