So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
