Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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