winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
