took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
