i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
