I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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