All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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