i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I party with great urgency now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
