Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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