I think i peed on brittanys purse
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
