Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
