i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
