This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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