I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
