I feel like I'm in dance class right now
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
