gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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