some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
