so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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