Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
