then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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