if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
