He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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