Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
