I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
