My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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