Do you still have your period?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
