Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
