there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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