i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
