when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
