I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
