...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
