yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
