He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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