Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
