I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
