My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this just has baby written all over it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
