Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
