just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
