honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
