How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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