Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
