you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
