and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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