Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
