why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
