do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
