i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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