it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
