Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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