i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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